Twisted messages

Remember my first post in this blog? I sure do. It was about me ripping my balls on a fence. Fun times.

Wait, it gets better.


You see, when I was 15 or so I lived in Salem, Mass. You know, that witch town that's in the movies. Nice place(Not really). Well, one morning during I think spring break something interesting happened.

I had awoke to take a piss at like 10am. Was a very nice pee. I flush, I pull up my pants, and I head back to bed for a couple more hours of sleep.

As I get back into my bed and try to get comfortable, I start to hurt in my balls. Was a small pain at first so I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep but after about 2 minutes it got a lot worse. I tried to wake up my little brother to talk to him about the pain but he was sound asleep.

I walked out to the Living room where my older brother was sleeping and tried him instead. I managed to get him up and told him that I had a lot of pain....down there. He told me to shut up, man up, and go back to bed.

I paced around the living for a minute or two debating on whether or not I should do what I was thinking of doing.

Finally, the pain got so bad that I had to.

I went into my Mother's Room and she was on the phone for a business call. I tried standing there waiting till she got off the phone but it seemed like she'd never get off the phone. I tried whispering to her that I needed to talk to her but she just did that angry look of "Don't you see I'm on the phone?".

So, finally......I flashed my mother and in her eyes was extreme horror because my right Testicle was massive. I'm talking like putting a grape beside a golf ball in some tinfoil. It was fucking noticeable.

I'm not even sure if she told the person she was talking to that she had to go, she just hung up the phone fast. I tell her what happened and we rush to the hospital.

Now, this is where this part of the story sucks for me. You'll see as I go on.

We arrive at the Hospital and my mom starts yelling at the Nurse in the triage. I get seen right away and given a lot of Morphine as soon as I lie down on the bed. The pain was so bad that even through all that Morphine I still felt a large majority of the pain. The only upside was that things go so cloudy it didn't bother me as much. Like, I could feel it but my mind didn't care whatsoever.

Doctor walks in next. My mom and I tell him what happened and he tells me that luckily he dealt with something like this the week before I came in on a much older gentleman. He goes on to tell me that I had twisted a testicle. Somehow in my sleep the little guy did a 360 and the vein had strangled off all circulation to the testicle and that it was a good thing I got there when I did. He might be able to save it. He waves for a few Nurses to wheel me somewhere. I think it was an X-ray. I'm not entirely sure. My mind at that point was focusing on two things.

1: Fuck it, I don't care about the pain anymore. I'm not here right now.
2: Oh god, so many hot nurses around me....are...are they touching my balls? Oh god, they are. Why are so many hot Nurses touching my balls? Don't get an erection......

And then I blacked out. Turns out they were prepping me for surgery.

I woke up some time later to 2 Doctors and Nurse sitting around my bed. They tell me that they managed to save my testicle but walking will be extremely difficult for the next little while and that my heart had stopped on the operating table. They informed me that the anesthesiologist hadn't taken into account that I had a lowered breathing capacity because of my disease.

They gave me too much and my heart and lungs had stopped for approximately 45 seconds.

In my mind, I was thinking "Whoah...I didn't even see a white light or anything. I had just closed and opened my eyes...crappy". One of the Doctors ask if I was okay with being told that and I tell them that ya, I'm fine.

Next they tell me that I'll have to where a weird cup like thing to keep my balls from falling out when I try to walk again. I nod and tell them I'll wear it. I tried it once but it was tight and amazingly uncomfortable so I never wore it again. Nothing ever happened to fall out. I still have both my balls, thankfully.

So, there is that story. Sorry for the wait. Things have been hectic as hell in my life. I even got a job.

Till next time.